


Be a freak like me

by jotunsforlife



Category: Thor (Movies), Thor - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Drinking, Drug Use, Loki and Thor Are Not Related, M/M, Minor Violence, Smoking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-14
Updated: 2016-02-14
Packaged: 2018-05-20 12:33:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6006247
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jotunsforlife/pseuds/jotunsforlife
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Thor and Loki don't belong together. That still isn't enough to keep them apart from each other. They're a mess, a mess that neither of them were willing to fix.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Be a freak like me

**Author's Note:**

> So I decided to start writing again (at least I'm trying). English is not my first language, so there might be few mistakes. By writing, I decided to try and improve my English, so it would be really big help if you'd inform me about mistakes, so I may correct them.

Thor's face remained pressed against Loki's chest, who was currently sitting on his lap. Lazily his fingers traced patterns on to the rib cage of smaller man. He vaguely heard Loki give a sigh of satisfaction, that quickly changed into a purr as Thor numbly traced the crook of noirette's neck. Moments like these where the ones, that Thor himself enjoyed most. The small moments that they weren't throwing things at each other and the moments where they took their time and enjoyed each other's company. Normally they'd do this quickly and Loki would leave him alone after that, or shove him out of the door a bit after that. _''Come on''_ shorter man purred and tugged Thor down along with him, apparently grown bored with the silence.

The clothes remained on the floor even after they were done and Thor was already preparing to leave, but instead of being pushed away like usually, was he tugged back on to the bed and the other man curving under his arm. The blond's face showed his confusion and he was on the verge of asking what was Loki doing, but decided against it as he noticed Loki glaring at him, daring him to open his mouth. So remaining quiet, Thor hesitantly wrapped his other arm softly around Loki's shoulders and tugged the blanket over them.

And in the silence, they wished that this would last. That this wouldn't end. That everything would be okay. But both of them knew that it wasn't, it wasn't okay and it wouldn't be okay. Still they dared themselves to hope and slowly let the wind lull them to sleep.

 

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''Do you still love me?'' Loki asked in the morning, the first thing he said as he noticed Thor being awoken. The question was the same that was asked every morning, the question that only had one answer, the answer that both of them knew to be false. Thor had grown to pretend, both of them had. Both of them learned to pretend that they still were happily and utterly in love with each other. And without hesitation, Thor whispered: ''I do.''

Loki lifted his gaze from Thor's lips, to his eyes and gave him a small smile. _''Good.''_ and rolled himself over Thor's body, already hungry for the older man's touch, for the love that wasn't real, for the lies that remained in silence. Maybe one day it would stop. Maybe one day they'd give up on pretending. Maybe one day they'd give up on them.

 

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They'd met last year, it was September and the weather hadn't been that good lately. Thor had stumbled on Loki while walking back from a bar. Loki who was wasted off his ass and walking around like he owned the place, just screaming for a fight or a fuck. Probably both, Thor had suspected at that time. So who was he to reject the offer. After all Thor couldn't be called a saint. And that was the way they had met. The way it all started from.

Both of them had stumbled through the city, back towards Thor's apartment, drunken laughs mixing together along with sloppy kisses. Loki continuing to press more and more of his body against Thor's, while the older man tried desperately get the door open. Opening the door proved to be more difficult task than usually, since he did have a distraction clinging to his body, impatiently waiting for him to get the door open and shove them inside. Finally the door seemed to give that familiar _click_ that could usually be heard, when the lock opened and that seemed enough for Loki who immediately tugged the door open and shoved Thor along with himself in, the door closing with a slam after them.

Thor soon found himself pushed against the wall, with the other man pressed tight against his chest, hands already working Thor's belt open. ''Wait.'' Thor gasped, pressing hands on top of the others, stopping him from opening his zipper. Younger man raised an eyebrow in a way that seemed to ask _what._ And Thor found himself swallowing, trying to gain the rational side of his brain: ''How old are you?'' The question seemed to confuse the other, until the noirette grinned widely and leaned forward, lips against Thor's ear: _''Old enough for you.''_ And that was all it took for Thor to grab the boy by his shirt and tug him in to the bedroom. Loki grinning the whole way.

 

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Thor still remembers it. Remembers the way that their bodies melted together, the way hushed whispers and quiet breathy moans that passed Loki's bruised and bitten lips. Remembers the way he sank his teeth into Loki's neck, marking him, making him his. Remembers the tightness that seemed to hit him immediately when he was pressed in to Loki. Remembers the way Loki sank down on his length like he was used to it. His body taking Thor deeper and deeper, hands clawing marks at Thor's back, tearing skin apart.

 

\---------------------------------------

 

They had their first fight few months later. It was about  jealousy that seemed to possess every inch of Loki's body. First months of their relationship had passed calmly and in honeymoon phase like, but soon that turned to be a lie. The sweet nights they had spent together, turned into ones with fighting and furniture breaking. It all broke when Loki had met Jane, Thor's ex girlfriend, who Thor had left without mentioning to Loki, just wanting to forget his past. Jane and Thor of course were friends after that, or they had been. Thor quickly lost his contact to Jane after she met Loki. Of course Loki didn't act his hatred and jealousy on Jane, nor did he even mention it, but that changed too when Jane left.

After the door had closed and there were no traits left of Jane's visit, was Thor truly met with Loki's jealousy. Loki had tugged them on the couch and wrapped himself over Thor, whispering mean things in to Thor's ear. Whispering thing about his past, about Jane and how Thor really didn't love him. Things like _'what she wasn't good enough'_ , _'didn't satisfy you enough?'_ and _'or maybe you cheated on her'_ The last part was what had made Thor explode, he was many things, but a cheater wasn't one of them.

And that was what caused their first fight. So soon enough the apartment was trashed, they were bruised, beaten and furniture was broken. Loki clinging to Thor's body, legs wrapped around Thor's waist, forcing him to go faster and harder, while biting marks on to Thor's neck and whispering crude things. And Thor had silenced him, slapped him on the face. Voice hard and telling him to _shut the hell up_ and take it.

 

_\---------------------------------------_

 

After their first fight, things were going down faster than neither of them believed it would. The mistakes of past were coming back on to the light and neither of them could keep them hidden. Loki's smoking was becoming one of them, along with Thor's drinking problem. The blond man had tried to quit drinking after meeting Loki, wanting to better himself for the paler man, but that though was left and Thor found himself more often spending days in hungover or just drinking until everything seemed okay. 

That was what both of them could live with, had tried to live with it. Then came the drugs. Suddenly smoking and drinking didn't do the trick well enough and both of them found themselves often waking up with a line of white under their noses or spilled on to the floor. Neither of them minded that, neither of them cared about that. Not when it brought the comfort that, they couldn't find anywhere else. It helped them pretend, helped them to act like nothing was wrong, helped to pretend that they were in love and everything would be fine.

 

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Loki was pretty, of course Thor knew of that. It also seemed like everyone else knew that too. Often was Loki found with a company of someone else than Thor. Someone else foolish enough to think that Loki was available, that Loki would give them what they wanted, what they wished for. Often Loki did amuse the others and made them believe that was the case. Only to stomp on their hopes with a heel and leave them for Thor and Thor's anger, that caused Loki the satisfaction he needed. The satisfaction that he wanted.

And Loki enjoyed it all. Enjoyed making people think that he could be lured to home with them, enjoyed to toy with people and their foolish and pathetic hopes and dreams, enjoyed to see the rage that possessed Thor's face when that happened. Loki enjoyed the violence that came with Thor's jealousy and rage. Enjoyed to be thrown against the walls of the apartment that was somehow turned to theirs, instead of Thor's. Enjoyed to be left bruised and limping after that. Maybe he was a bit sick, but then again who wasn't? Everyone had their flaws.

 

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And Thor and Loki had flaws a lot. They had flaws even before they met, but their mistakes and flaws became more noticeable after they met. Their relationship was biggest mistake that they had. That though didn't stop them.

Thor and Loki didn't belong together. Everyone could notice that and often noticed. Their friends noticed the way they were tense and angry with each other, their relatives noticed the unhealthy habits that they had picked together, and most of all they all noticed the way bruises seemed often cover either Thor's or Loki's body, often both.

All that wasn't still enough to keep them apart from each other. They're a mess. A mess that neither of them were willing to fix. A mess that they both enjoyed in their own ways. They weren't happy, but they could pretend, they could act it and hide the sadness that came from it.

 

 


End file.
